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Spinning 45 Ballerina

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what goes on [Oct. 30th, 2007|05:53 pm]
Spinning 45 Ballerina
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[Current Music |bryan ferry-what goes on]

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Is that song is somehow code for wanting to brake up with someone? I play it a lot these days. Never really been partial to the Velvet Underground, or Lou Reed. Well that’s not entirely true I used to play the Transformer album again and again somewhere in my middle teens. I don’t know exactly why but suddenly I thought “this is bullshit”. So special, but you know it’s not rally special at all, it’s just weird, and you hit me with a feather? Gees Louis, or should I say Gees Lou, (you perverted looser). Anyways, once I got abandoned via text message with the lyrics of What Goes On, and it’s in Control (beautiful movie) when Ian was trying to leave Deborah. I remember thinking (about What Goes On) that’s a really nice way of putting it. What goes on in you’re mind, I know that I am falling down.  You start off thinking that someone is fantastic, and when they turn you down you think there horrible. Suck…. Anyways Venus In Furs is a sexy song, I really want to read that book. Some masochism from Masoch and not just the sadism of the Marquise. Maybe I’m waking up to VU? but probably not. I’m a stubborn sort of girl and once I make my mind up it’s pretty hard to unmake. (Except when I love you, and you don’t love me back, than I can turn in an instant.)

 The others want to move, and I sort of do to, but not to a house in the suburbs. I don’t care how fast I could cycle out there, I don’t even cycle. My mother is putting ideas in my head about buying a flat and than renting it out. It’s huge and central, two living rooms and four bedrooms but the rent will be 4000kr each. I could pay that, for me it would be a great deal. But I don’t think I know anyone who would pay that much. I could live there with strangers, I wouldn’t mind. Oh, I think I really want this, but it will probably come to nothing. If the others move and I stay behind than I would most probably have to shack up with at least one stranger. I could live with strangers a place where there is a little more space, but in our flat? No, I don’t think that would do. Uh, this is really stressful. One of the girls I live with is putting pressure on me to join them in the new house, she says that we’re a family, but fuck, it’s not like I need to live with these people. If I needed to live with my family I would have stayed at home. I actually had a dream about drowning one of my flatmates boy friend (buy accident) the other day, and I wasn’t sorry.

 But essentially it boils down to this, there will always be someone who has an annoying boyfriend, or looses you’re stuff, or never does the dishes if you live with other people (sometimes it's me even). I don’t think that it would be less annoying to live with anyone ells, but, what would be annoying is to live in a fucking house with the you’re fucking land lord in the shadow of a huge mountain next to a fuck all huge lake, (with people who, sometimes annoy you). I guess I should tell them that, it’s like I already hurt her feelings buy not needing to live with them.

 I’m really suppose to be writing a literary assignment now, I’ve left it to the last second as usual. Blah. Last Wednesday I tried the “girls should cry”-thing. It was sort of fun. People looked at me with shock and pity and I felt a lot better the next day. It’s almost unbearable not having a person you like, like you back. Unbearable, but not unusual. So special, but not special at all.