||[Dec. 18th, 2005|01:37 am]
Spinning 45 Ballerina
My ex has found somebody new, or I guess somebody old probably, and I don’t know that it’s true, really, but he’s been listening to MUSE a lot, 80 tracks this week… and he’s a boy, and he’s not fourteen and inn to HIM. So there must be some girl there with him, listening to it. I’m sure… (thank you last.fm for the angst and general pathetic pastime you provide, who would I be without you?) So do I even care? Lets see… hmm…: Yes! Being fine with getting the hew haw got old really fast. I don’t want him back, I just want to get back at him. What pisses me off the most is that when I meet new guys that I like, still I won’t go for it. Something’s holding me back, and it’s making me sick to my stomach even thinking about somebody new. I wish I could get out of this thing entirely and not make it my life’s ambition to be loved, to be one half of this unit called the them, in short: to be wife. But it still is and it always will be. I would be nice to put me first, and work on my ‘inner self’ blabla, blabla. I know it’s never going to feel good, all I want is a guy and his nice hair gods damned it.