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a prize tupé - La Petite Mort [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Spinning 45 Ballerina

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a prize tupé [Aug. 26th, 2008|02:16 pm]
Spinning 45 Ballerina
[Current Music |sparkle moore-skull and cross bones]

Charlotte told me that if I just start marketing myself as a nicer person most people would think that I am. I've seen it done before, people not actually, but almost getting away with murder by the cunning use of big smiles shameless self promotion.
And I've been through this before, this confrontation about how I need to change, to many times, and I'm tired, so tired. I think most people far shittier than I am. And what setts me apart is my bloody honesty. Oh how I wish I could be passive aggressive, but I go and I admit to being a bitch (fool fool me!).
How I wish I could shut up, but I can't and i wont ever be able to. However I've started playing this game, (when I'm drunk), when ever people tell me to shut up, I do. I nod, I agree, and I'm not totally mute but I just don't contribute myself. It's a fantastic feeling, not talking, people like it in the beginning, and I like listening to what they have to say, It's always interesting. After a while though they get cross, and then they get desperate, and then I start talking again. (I realize that this part seems quite like the recant of a psychopath and if they turn out to be, who am I to deny it).
As a social experiment though I am going to start professing thoughts of peace and love, it's not like these are absolutely foreign to me. It's just that I sort of view charity and such as the virtues of the retarded. or, well, mostly little lies that people who don't know just how good, bad or evil they are, need to tell themselves. my reasoning goes something like this; if you're not at total cynic, how can you still have any worth while views?
Oh, what is this, what be my point... Well, just that I'm no Joan Crawford, my morals are just... a little bit frayed at the edges. Absolutely nothing to worry about. And when I grow up I want to try and co-manage a non-profit something, somewhere, maybe providing poor fishermen with boats or something, I want to donate money to a panda sanctuary and generally just fill the swollen belly's of the world. My new goal is making sure all my friends get to know each other, and in turn be friends. BIG SMILE BIG SMILE
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